Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Wedding Wednesday: Offensive things


After last week's post seeking advice about the bachelorette party, I started thinking over all the things that have offended various people connected to the wedding. The list is full of hilariously trivial things, so I thought I'd share them with y'all.
  • My aunt was offended my first cousin (her daughter) didn't receive an invitation to my bridal shower. My cousin lives in upstate NY, which isn't exactly next door to Tulsa, OK. I didn't have the hostess send her an invitation because a) I didn't want her to feel obligated to come, and b) I didn't think she'd care. Besides, if she'd showed up, it wasn't like I'd kick her out of the restaurant!
  • My mother is extremely offended we aren't having a dance floor at the wedding. (This is still puzzling to me.)
  • Johnny's sister is offended she hasn't been asked to help or consult on any part of the wedding. She lives in Denver, CO (also not next door to Tulsa); I haven't asked her to help because if I wanted someone to help from 500 miles away, I'd ask my best friend Amy.
  • Johnny's grandmother is offended because Johnny's second cousin who lives in Dallas, TX wasn't invited to the wedding, but his second cousin who lives in Tulsa was. For the record, we've seen the cousin in Texas once in the last 5 years.
  • My mother is offended I am not wearing a long, Disney-princess kind of dress.
  • My father is offended that a Kentucky Derby themed wedding means his wife won't let him wear his standard wedding attire of black suit, red tie.
Why do weddings make people totally insane?

25 comments:

journeymanarchivist said...

Because people forget that it's not THEIR wedding, it's YOUR wedding.

Also, tell your mother that she can dance with the horses on her own time and tell Johnny's sister that Amy is AWESOME at planning weddings from hundreds of miles away.

Equine Snob said...

This list left me chuckling. Own your own wedding, sister! ;)

SheMovedtoTexas said...

I don't know, but they really do!

Nicole Sharpe said...

I think your dad's is the best. I feel like Dads are usually like "you deal with this, just show me what to wear and when to show up" and the fact that he's upset because he can't wear his wedding outfit is really cute. ;)

backinthetack said...

Oh my gosh, right there with you. Wedding is in June and both sides of extended family are wildly offended we are asking for no children at our small wedding. We gave them 9 months notice and offered to pay for the sitter. Yep, we're criminal.

Olivia said...

There was so much drama surrounding my wedding, that honestly, I just gave up. There was enough drama that my husband's sister refused to attend the wedding. I don't know why she thought that would punish us? But really, the day wasn't about me. It was about my family. (And they paid for it). So, outside of a few things that I was specific on - absolutely no kids, all monochrome, our dog is the ring bearer, if the electric slide is played I will kill someone, etc - I just let them do whatever they want and it made things easier. But I also didn't want to get married or have a wedding in the first place. It's probably a lot harder for someone who cares to give up.

Marissa Q. said...

Thank you for the morning laugh! This is is precisely why when nosy family members ask me or my boyfriend when we're getting married we say something vague like "Oh we'll get around to it." I know my family and they are a special kind of crazy who would make wedding planning a truly unique kind of torture for everyone. You just do your thing - derby parties are awesome.

SprinklerBandit said...

Such drama! Do your thing. Either they get over it or you learn something about their character. It's not as if you're sacrificing puppies.

SquirrelGurl said...

Ahh memories! I think journey hit it on the head, they forget who's wedding it is!

Sarah said...

NO DANCE FLOOR?!?! Just kidding. It is funny what people care about. Just remember that no matter how it all works out, it will be an amazing wedding and everyone will be happy.

Stephanie said...

I am going to tell everyone to STFU. Please don't let me have too many mint juleps. :(

Stephanie said...

Thanks, girl, I'm trying to!

Stephanie said...

Never have I seen so many grown ass people lose their shit.

Stephanie said...

It is! Apparently he pouted for six hours while wedding outfit shopping with his wife. I laughed and laughed when she told me about it!

Stephanie said...

You offered to pay for the sitter?! You'd think people would be excited about THAT! My cousin requested no children at her wedding- I was the youngest attendee at 17. People in the family are STILL offended, 10+ years later!

Stephanie said...

I gave up on lots of things, but the fucking dance floor is now an issue of principle, because every other aspect of this wedding has turned into some unholy mutation of our original intentions!

Stephanie said...

JUST KEEP SAYING THAT. We said that for 4+ years, and I kind of wish we'd just gone to the courthouse, gotten married, and told everyone at Thanksgiving or something!

Stephanie said...

Hm, maybe I should sacrifice puppies?! Just kidding, I could never sacrifice a puppy. I mean, maybe I could squish some bugs?

Stephanie said...

I feel like this should be some kind of statement of power I use? "YOU FORGET WHOSE WEDDING IT IS, [INSERT RELATIVE'S NAME]!!!"

Stephanie said...

I KNOW?! Who knew a dance floor was such a divisive issue?

Emily Rodgers said...

WAIT. They aren't getting married at your wedding?!?!?!

;) ;) ;) ;)

jenj said...

Hahaha, I totally remember this happening at our wedding! My parents didn't like our venue, until they looked at a bunch of other venues and then were like, "oh, this is really nice!" And they didn't like the caterer (because of the name) until they tried the food (and then my Dad wanted to eat there every night lol). It turned out nice, but if we had to do it over again, I think we'd elope. Weddings are SUCH a pain!

emma said...

lol! people who want to be offended will find a reason to be offended.

agifthorse said...

Drama sucks...and unfortunately some people just have to get involved in it! One thing I did was find my intense, matriarch-esque Aunt and tell her exactly what was going to happen. I also told her she better keep her side (the dramatic one) in line. It mostly worked. She's scarier than I am.

Amanda said...

Because weddings are the actual worst. I am sick of ours and it's still 5 months away. I DO NOT CARE THAT MY THIRD COUSIN ONCE REMOVED HASN'T RESERVED HIS HOTEL ROOM YET. HE IS A GROWN ASS ADULT. Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

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